Religious Freedom

ARIZONA GOVERNOR FEARS GOVERNMENT REGULATION COULD RUIN BIGOTRY AND HATRED

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

• 18.7K

• PRINT
• MORE

PHOENIX (The Borowitz Report)—Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said today that she was reluctant to sign an anti-gay “religious freedom” bill passed by the Arizona state legislature this week, telling reporters, “I believe that bigotry and hatred should be free of government regulation.”

She said that while many Arizona business owners currently enjoy employing hateful practices, “I worry that if big government gets involved, that’ll ruin everything.”

“Don’t get me wrong—I think the anti-gay bill that the legislature passed was well-meaning,” she said. “All I’m saying is, let’s leave it to the private sector.”

Offering an example, she added, “Look at how Obamacare has messed up health care. I’d hate to pass a new law that results in government wrecking bigotry.”

But Governor Brewer got some pushback today from Republican legislator Harland Dorrinson, who told reporters, "I’m as opposed to big government as anyone. But promoting hate-based bias is one area where I believe government has an important role to play.”

For her part, Governor Brewer remains unconvinced by that argument. Noting that the current system of hatred and bigotry in place in Arizona has worked well for decades, she said, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Photograph by Ross D. Franklin/AP.

Tabloidism

Reuters: The Vatican announced today that The Pope in exchange for Administration of Jerusalem, will walk from cyprus to zion. Every foot he makes on water will become land . In exchange for the land Zion will give of Jerusalem.. Prime Minister Netanya convened a rare second Cabinet Meeting this week and proposed a Zionist acceptance of The Vatican Compromise ( Vatican Doctrines on Miracles V XM. The vote was unanimous with just one abstention. Zipi livni was looking for her lipstick that Naftali Bennet rolled off the table and kicked in the direction of the opposition. .It is believed from reliable sources that she could have been given amir Peretz a blow job. He asked to be excused from the vote until come his time ."

Facebook is fickle fantasy fun but the Talmud would refer to Tabloidism as an unreliable witness

The Shakespearean Insulter

Shakespeare Insult Kit

If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.

Taken from: Hamlet

Come, you are a tedious fool. To the purpose.

Taken from: Measure for Measure

O teach me how I should forget to think.

Taken from: Romeo and Juliet

O, [thou art] as tedious as a tired horse, a railing wife, Worse than a smoky house.

Taken from: Henry IV, part I

Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you filthy bung, away!

Taken from: Henry IV, part 2

Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou":

Column 1     Column 2            Column 3 

artless             base-court          apple-john
bawdy               bat-fowling         baggage
beslubbering        beef-witted         barnacle
bootless            beetle-headed       bladder
churlish            boil-brained        boar-pig
cockered            clapper-clawed      bugbear
clouted             clay-brained        bum-bailey
craven              common-kissing      canker-blossom
currish             crook-pated         clack-dish
dankish             dismal-dreaming     clotpole
dissembling         dizzy-eyed          coxcomb
droning             doghearted          codpiece
errant              dread-bolted        death-token
fawning             earth-vexing        dewberry
fobbing             elf-skinned         flap-dragon
froward             fat-kidneyed        flax-wench
frothy              fen-sucked          flirt-gill
gleeking            flap-mouthed        foot-licker
goatish             fly-bitten          fustilarian
gorbellied          folly-fallen        giglet
impertinent         fool-born           gudgeon
infectious          full-gorged         haggard
jarring             guts-griping        harpy
loggerheaded        half-faced          hedge-pig
lumpish             hasty-witted        horn-beast
mammering           hedge-born          hugger-mugger
mangled             hell-hated          joithead
mewling             idle-headed         lewdster
paunchy             ill-breeding        lout
pribbling           ill-nurtured        maggot-pie
puking              knotty-pated        malt-worm
puny                milk-livered        mammet
qualling            motley-minded       measle
rank                onion-eyed          minnow
reeky               plume-plucked       miscreant
roguish             pottle-deep         moldwarp
ruttish             pox-marked          mumble-news
saucy               reeling-ripe        nut-hook
spleeny             rough-hewn          pigeon-egg
spongy              rude-growing        pignut
surly               rump-fed            puttock
tottering           shard-borne         pumpion
unmuzzled           sheep-biting        ratsbane
vain                spur-galled         scut
venomed             swag-bellied        skainsmate
villainous          tardy-gaited        strumpet
warped              tickle-brained      varlot
wayward             toad-spotted        vassal
weedy               unchin-snouted      whey-face
yeasty              weather-bitten      wagtail

---

My additions:

cullionly           whoreson            knave
fusty               malmsey-nosed       blind-worm
caluminous          rampallian          popinjay
wimpled             lily-livered        scullian
burly-boned         scurvy-valiant      jolt-head
misbegotten         brazen-faced        malcontent
odiferous           unwash'd            devil-monk

poisonous           bunch-back'd        toad
fishified           leaden-footed       rascal
Wart-necked         muddy-mettled       Basket-Cockle
                    pigeon-liver'd
                    scale-sided

Insults

Insults

Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously has never heard any good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs. 

Insult	Rating	Votes
It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.		49
It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.		31
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?		79
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.		205
I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.		61
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.		61
Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.		68
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.		383
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.		128
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.		18
You couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.		6
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?		25
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head		43
Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.		37
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!		28
Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.		70
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.		64
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.		27
You look like a before picture.		12
I'll never forget the first time we met, although I'll keep trying.		7
Hey, you have somthing on your chin... no, the 3rd one down		16
Shock me, say something intelligent.		20
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?		19
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.		50
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?		22
Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?		4
You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.		23
I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!		21
You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".		31
I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?		30
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.		6
Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!		12
What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?		6
Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.		9
Did your parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby?		6
Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.		13
You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone.		14
Nice tan, orange is my favorite color.		7
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?		22
You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?		15
You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!		11
100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?		13
You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back!		13
I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.		27
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!		9
Your parents hated you so much you bath toys were an iron and a toaster		9
If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse!		5
Your ambition outweighs your relevant skills.		5
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the 'impression' that you’re stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.		6
I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.		13
Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.		14
You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.		15
Come again when you can't stay quite so long.		9
You act like your arrogance is a virtue.		9
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?		10
You are so old, you fart dust.		13
Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.		38
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.		9
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!		13
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole!		14
If a crackhead saw you, he'd think he needs to go on a diet.		7
We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.		19
If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.		4
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?		8
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.		8
Your dad's condom is a bigger than your personality.		4
You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.		8
You must have a very low opinion of people if you think they are your equals.		3
If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.		5
Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.		9
You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened.		6
You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.		11
You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.		10
The best part of you is still running down your old mans leg.		10
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?		10
So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?		5
It’s too bad stupidity isn’t painful.		5
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.		12
You must think you're strong, but you only smell strong.		4
If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair.		4
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.		7
If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.		10
If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.		5
You'll make a great first wife some day.		9
I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.		12
Are your parents siblings?		21
Yeah you're pretty, pretty stupid		5
You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.		5
Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.		9
You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar.		11
Your mom must have a really loud bark!		8
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.		4
For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.		9
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.		17
You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.		19
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.		24
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.		6
Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!		10
People like you are the reason I work out.		11
I wish you no harm, but it would have been much better if you had never lived.		9
When anorexics see you, they think they need to go on a diet.		13
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.		4
Please tell me you don't home-school your kids.		19
You're stupid because you're blonde.